Beach Bum Billionaire

I just got back from the Dominican Republic with my mother.  4 days in the sun is a game changer. I don’t know if it is the sun or the laying down 13 of the 16 hours that you’re awake. I consider myself a Type A Personality but put me 100 paces from a beach with palm trees and an open bar, I can find it in myself to stop “doing”.  I even googled Beach Bum Billionaire to see if there were dating sites for rich guys who just like to hang out on nice beaches without judgment. I couldn’t find a dating site but I did find a romance novel series Beach Bum Billionaire. You can get all three in the series for 2.99 on Amazon and read up on Patty Danville’s string of good luck. I read it like this:

  From the sand swept beaches of the Caribbean to the glitz and glamour of Manhattan, curvy girl Patty Danville Kendra Cunningham finds herself in over her head, having fallen for badboy billionaire, Alexander Kent. Patty Kendra isn’t too keen on jumping into another relationship, having escaped to St. Martin to nurse a broken heart. On a lazy morning walk she encounters a man sleeping on the beach, believing him to be homeless. The blonde on the beach with the amazing tits and pretty smile is exactly what Alex needs to smooth the rough edges of deception and disappointment. For Patty Kendra, a fling with a compelling stranger is a fun distraction, but she wouldn’t seriously fall for a bum, would she? A girl has to have some standards.

All romance novels should give you the option of being the main character.


The trip got off to an interesting start. My mother and I went for breakfast at Ruby’s Diner in the Newark Airport. Ruby’s is one of those diners that make their staff wear 1950’s red and white striped uniforms. Our waiter even had some sort of hat on. He didn’t seem happy about it. My mother and I were definitely the friendliest, most polite table he had. And we were proud of that. We said please and thank you. We said things like “whenever you get a chance…. Can we get some silverware” no attitude, no impatience, just two kind hearted ladies trying to get their eggs on before a flight to the Dominican Republic. I’m pretty sure we threw that into the conversation a few times too. I gave my mother $200 to keep in a kitty so when the bill came, she paid it. In cash. I took the bill holder thingamajig with the cash in it and I walked around until I found our waiter, I handed it to him with a smile, said thank you and we were off. Back in the terminal, we stopped at the Ladies Room right across from our gate. After I washed my hands I yelled to my mother “I’ll meet you outside”. I exited the Ladie’s Room only to find our waiter in full uniform, including the hat, waiting outside the entrance, with a friend. His friend was in lay mans attire and had very good posture.

“Hi” I said, confused.

“Your bill is 25.90 and you only left $25.00” he barked as if he had seen this whole song and dance before. The old be really nice and overly polite then stiff him on the bill routine.

“Are you kidding me? My mother has the cash” I started to explain the whole cash situation; I called into the Ladie’s Room for my mother. I was trying to find my wallet in my carry on. Finally she came sauntering out, and he told her what he wanted, ninety cents. He wanted to make it clear that he didn’t come after us for lack of tip, while at the same time letting us know, we hadn’t tipped. My mother laughed and apologized and gave him six dollars. The two guys stomped away. My mother swore it was an accident and it was just too early in the morning for her.

Two days later, I saw her tip one dollar on two cocktails and two bottles of water.

When I confronted her she said “Hey, don’t be watching me. That Ruby’s incident was an honest mistake.”

I’ll never know what really happened at Ruby’s in Newark Airport.

But I do know, the eggs weren’t that good.




Kendra is a stand-up comic living in Brooklyn where she owns a super comfortable bed. She spends most of her time wondering where the hell her sugar daddy is and hoping he didn’t settle.

twitter @kendracomedy

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