Curse words in moderation allowed

I started this year with a commitment to Debtors Anonymous. I went to one meeting. I’m not allowed to talk about what happened there because those are the rules plus there were some people there who monitor the comings and goings of people who they think might start talking smack. So it’s not all my commitment to the anonymity, it’s my paranoia of being caught as well. I will say we all had to donate a few bucks at the end of the meeting to pay for the space. Somebody counted it. We hadn’t donated enough to cover the cost so we had to donate again. I felt funny because I was very aware of who was donating what and I felt like I gave more and I did not like that since it was my first time and all. I didn’t say a word about it. Like I said, there were some people that intimidated me there. I left thinking I would try another location, one in my neighborhood, but I never did. If it was a one on one thing where I got a lot of individual attention, I might have. I know, I know, if I want individual attention I should go to a therapist.

But going to therapy is very general. When I say I’m going to Debtors Anonymous it is very specific what I am trying to work on. I got to therapy and I’m like “I’m not in touch with my feelings “ I harbor resentment towards my father” “I don’t like the way my boss talks to me” “I feel like I’m not doing anything with my life” suddenly there are big ominous issues. I don’t feel like going to a therapist. How about that? I went to therapy for years. I never got much out of it or maybe I did and I just don’t want to give credit where credit is due. I remember buying food to bring with me to therapy so I would have something to do. One of the reasons I went to therapy was to get in touch with my feelings. How does somebody help you with that? I started every other sentence in therapy with “this has nothing to do with my father”

With three months left in the year I’m wondering if I should hit up Debtors Anonymous again. I want to be able to save money. What I really want to say is “I want to be able to not spend every penny I earn” but it looked like maybe it wasn’t proper English. The truth is I respond best to tough love. If I could have somebody follow me around and rag on me for every poor purchase I made, that would help. That is a very specific job.

“Looking for financially savvy, impatient coach with an open schedule to accompany me through life and berate me for bad purchases. Small possibility for friendship. Please self tape hypothetical scenario where I had a healthy breakfast at 8 am and want to buy a blueberry muffin at 10 am. Curse words in moderation allowed.”
Thanks for listening!
Kendra is a stand up comic living in Brooklyn where she owns a super comfortable bed. She spends most of her time wondering where the hell her sugar daddy is and hoping he didn’t settle.
twitter @theotherkendra

Back to blog