Drunken thespians

There are a lot of emotional reactions to hurricane forecasts. My mother loves this stuff. People overreacting in a frenzy? She wants to watch! People underpreparing? She wants to hear how bad they are fucking up their lives. My mother loves to hear about emotional angst, sometimes I play into it.

Mom: How scared are you?

Me: Terrified.

Mom: Don’t tell me you didn’t stockpile!

Me: Oh you’re talking about the hurricane?

Being somebody who derives a lot of self worth through achievements, the hurricane put a screeching halt to my getting shit done which turned into a perfect excuse to go drinking. Nothing like a forced day off to recharge your social life. Some companies kept delaying work cancellation, it was fun listening to employees plot and plan how they were going to call the shots. They were not going to work, no matter what. You gotta love a story that starts with a passionate “You know what? Fuck that!” even if it is referring to a sick day.

My sister, for instance, began to script an email to her boss at around midnight. Thankfully she asked “How does this sound?” before she hit send.
Never try to sound professional when you have 6 or 7 hours of drinking in your recent past. Her carefully worded (drunken) email, sounded like it had been scribed in old English vernacular

I Kristen Cunningham being of sound mind and body on the menacing eve of the 28th of October in the year of 2012 have lucidly concluded the risk and perilousness associated with my arrival on site necessitates the unfortunate determination …….

“I think you should wait and see what happens in the morning, that sounds a little theatrical, it belongs more in a Greek amphitheater than an email”

She laughed and reread it aloud with an English accent.

It’s not often a sick day request can be played out as a monologue in Greek theater complete with comedy and drama masks and flowered hair thingamajig.

Her work was cancelled at 6 am just 5 short hours after she scribed her flowery declaration.

Kendra Cunningham, helping drunken thespians retain gainful employment.

Thanks for listening!


Kendra is a stand up comic living in Brooklyn where she owns a super comfortable bed. She spends most of her time wondering where the hell her sugar daddy is and hoping he didn’t settle.


twitter @kendracomedy

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