My mothers coming for Easter weekend. She sent this text to my sister
“You guys decide where to go for Easter. I won two Red Sox tickets for the 29th. Want to check out getting eyebrows tattooed while I’m there. Talk later. XO”
I called her right away. I didn’t wait until later. I very calmly, with a matter of fact tone informed her I didn’t think eyebrow tattoos were such a good idea.
“ Oh c’mon- I’ll treat!” she responded
“I refuse to let you- my mother- my sister’s mother - get a face tattoo. It’s an absolute no. And a family face tattoo session on Easter Sunday weekend? No way. I don’t want anything like that in my memory bank.“
She responded exasperated “ O.K.! Fine! Then you guys figure out what to do about Easter. I’m out of ideas.”
Cadbury eggs seem kinda dorky after the “lets get ink” idea.
She went on to tell me how a homeless person scared the shit out of her on the subway. “He stood next to me and yelled “ I’m homeless. Please help me” then he squatted down and started moaning. It was really scary. Do they do stuff like that in New York?”
“Yes. Only once one person yells out a fact about themselves, then other people participate. Someone yells “ I’m homeless” then someone else pipes in “I’m ashamed” or “ I have eyebrow tattoos” Its public bonding”
“Funny stuff. Real funny.”
Last year we watched the Red Sox opener on Easter Sunday at Riviera in the West Village. Most of the day was spent observing a 70 year old fanatic who looked like Jesus in a Bud soaked Youkilis shirt, screaming YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUK repetitively and then blessing himself before he scarfed down a plate of buffalo chicken wings.
We beat the Yankees 9 to 7 that day. We need to bring Joshua Sacco back. He opened that game with Herb Brook’s Miracle Speech.
Thanks for listening!
Kendra is a stand up comic living in Brooklyn where she owns a super comfortable bed. She spends most of her time wondering where the hell her sugar daddy is and hoping he didn’t settle.