Everyday Nicety Said Wrong

This morning I had to repeat myself to the Duane Reade cashier and I got mad.
Duane Reade cashier: “What was that?”
Me: “I said “HOW’S IT GOING?”
I loud, annunciated “HOW’S IT GOING?” doesn’t sound like the everyday nicety it was intended to be.
I get that from my mother.
My mother is a fun loving lady; very polite and even keeled. Until you don’t hear what she said, then it’s like she transforms into a petite, blonde, female Robert DeNiro right before your very eyes.
Person at dinner table: Sorry, I missed that.
Mom: I SAID.. (she squares off at the dining room table, locks eyes with the hard of hearing sad sack of a guest) PLEASE PASS THE GRAVY
Everybody dives for the gravy dish.
I can’t speak for my mother but I think having an incensed reaction to somebody not hearing what you said is simply anger about not getting your due attention. “I am speaking. You should be listening. What the hell am I talking to you for if you aren’t doing the listening part?”
The ironic thing is my attention wanders a lot in conversations. So does my mothers.
I Facetimed with my mother recently and we weren’t even five minutes into the conversation when she started watching TV. So I watching her watch TV via Facetime.
“Hey hey hey, no watching TV while facetiming”
“I’m not really watching. I’m waiting for my show. Are you walking around? It looks like you are walking around”
“Yeah I want to show you the new pants I bought.”
“You’re walking around and facetiming? Be careful!”
I got to show her two sweaters, one shirt and one pair of pants I got at a sale at Banana Republic for $53. Fifty three dollars for four items! She was proud. I could tell because she kept saying things like
“What was the original price?”
“You got it for how much?”
“C’mon. There is no way that was less than $20”
Then suddenly I was Facetiming with her forehead.

Thanks for listening!
Kendra is a stand up comic living in Brooklyn where she owns a super comfortable bed. She spends most of her time wondering where the hell her sugar daddy is and hoping he didn’t settle.
twitter @theotherkendra

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