This weekend I went back to Boston to watch lonelygirl48 get screened at the Boston Film Festival. The festival screened 18 shorts out of 800 submissions. There’s no joke there. Just bragging.
I did get to spend time with my mother. Here’s where it gets funny.
At home people drive everywhere. I always ride shotgun with Momma Cunningham and it is worth the price of admission. My mother is a petite lady and she is always dressed to a level of sophistication unrequired by the errands on hand, but put her behind the wheel and she morphs into a stage mom for Bas Rutten. She wants to be IN the fight but all she can do is yell threatening demands and disappointed commentaries.
“C’mon get outta there! Whattaya thinking? Oh sorry that’s right, You’re not! Yeah you- you’re not thinking”
“Seriously? That’s your move fucker? The old cut me off and slow down? Are you shittin me?”
“You see this guy? Oh oh oh it’s a girl. Good luck to you honey. Your hairs brassy!……… You know what? I actually feel bad for that girl. She’s got a face only a mother could love. Shit, I think that was the exit. Hold on!”
She told me she was recently involved in some serious road rage where she and another woman had a Mexican stand off at an intersection complete with giving each other the finger and horn blowing. When the other woman actually got out of her car, my mother put the pedal to the metal and beat it. You can take the kid out of Dorchester, but you can’t take the Dorchester out of the kid.
We attempted to bargain shop but my mother thought the store smelled funny and she “couldn’t take it anymore” so we had to leave without a purchase. In the parking lot she became convinced a sea gull was circling around in order to find the perfect moment to attack her. She didn’t share this, she simply began running to the car.
When I got to the car I asked “ What the hell was that all about?”
She said “That sea gull wanted my blonde hair to make a fancy nest with”
“Oh yeah? So you leave me in the dust? I have blonde hair too”
“Well, when the person you’re with starts running, you should run too. I mean c’mon that’s like, common knowledge”
Later that night, I was lounging gracefully as I like to do when my mother said out of the blue “Let me give you some sleeping pills”
It was 8 O’clock.
Kendra is a stand up comic living in Brooklyn where she owns a super comfortable bed. She spends most of her time wondering where the hell her sugar daddy is and hoping he didn’t settle.