Jimmy: The Elevator Guy

Elevator-repair man

I’ve received half a dozen voicemails for someone named Jimmy this week. I don’t know Jimmy but I do know Gary needs him for an elevator job that involves a certain elevator model that only Jimmy knows inside and out. At first it was exciting. I don’t get a ton of voicemails, to see two new voicemails from an unfamiliar number.. this was something.

Gary was quick and direct in the first message “ Jimmy, its Gary I got one of those elevators on the fritz. Give me a call will ya buddy?” . The second one sounded like Gary’s hangover was kicking in “Jimbo, I need you to call me. Today. Seriously don’t be a jerkoff. It’s Gary”.  Two hours later I saw Gary rang my phone, I already recognized his number. This time he left the office number so I called him back. A lady answered the phone and said something like “LI Elevators”. I asked for Gary. She asked “who’s callin?”

“I’m a friend of Jimmy’s” I said without hesitation.

She put me on hold for what I felt was an unreasonable amount of time, I’m pretty sure Jimmy wouldn’t have liked it either. I hung up.

The next day I was at the gym when I saw Gary calling my phone, I sent him to voicemail. I didn’t want to help Gary anymore.

Gary left two messages describing the elevator situation and implied Jimmy had a history of irresponsible behavior. I had had enough. I called Gary one more time.

“Something Something Elevators”

“Yeah is Gary there?”

“Who’s calling?”

“Tell him it’s Jimmy”

I get transferred to another lady.

“Something Something Elevator”

“I’m trying to reach Gary”

“Who’s calling?”

“it’s a friend of Jimmy’s”

“Gary’s not here, can  I take a message?”

“Yeah can you tell him he has the wrong phone number for Jimmy. He keeps leaving him voicemails on my number”

“Do you have a new number for him? We have a job for him”

“I know you have a job for him but I don’t even know Jimmy. I’m just trying to get out of the loop.”

“I thought you said you were a friend of Jimmy’s”

“I just said that to try to get Gary on the phone”

“Okeyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy” she says like the only thing she is gonna remember about this conversation is I said I was Jimmy’s friend even though I wasn’t.

“Will you give Gary the message?”

“Wait, here’s Gary, you want to talk to him?”

“Not really. Can’t you just tell him what’s going on?”

The lady starts laughing.

I hang up.

I immediately got embarrassed that I hung up and thought about calling back and saying we got disconnected but I didn’t.  Instead I sat around and wondered if I should have handled it differently.

There’s a part of me that thinks it was an elaborate prank. I’m anticipating a voicemail tomorrow:

“Hey this is Jimmy, just calling in for messages”

I kinda hope so.

I have a feeling Jimmy is my type.





Thanks for listening!



Kendra is a stand up comic living in Brooklyn where she owns a super comfortable bed. She spends most of her time wondering where the hell her sugar daddy is and hoping he didn’t settle.


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