A good friend of mine called me freaking out because she just found out she is not pregnant. She has been tryign for months to have a baby. Ten years ago she was calling me with the same news begging me to go have beers with her. I liked her better then.

I have never been one to sit around dreaming of my wedding day nor have I picked out names for my children. I feel like I'm coming out in a sense when I say I have no desire to get pregnant. If we could choose a gestation process, my feelings might be different. I mean if I could lay eggs and then just make sure they were kept warm and didn't crack for a few weeks, I might agree to the whole thing. Possums have a gestation period of 11 to 13 days. You would think the world would be overrun with possums. They must not have a high sex drive. That's the one thing I would not change about getting pregnant, the process of fornication. I like that part. I can't imagine being one of the animal species in which the male animal getst to mount the female animal at any point in time. Like dogs. You see a cute little dog playing, having fun, enjoying a nice spring day, and boom - next thing they know thye've been mounted by behind by some mangy mutt they never even saw before. I'd be the only female dog who was constantly bolting around the park at a high rate of speed, killing myself physically just so nobody could surprise mount me.  

I admit, sometimes I see cute kids and I think "maybe they are worth it".

I just don't agree with the physical burden of pregnancy. I'm bloated and uncomfortable as it is. I can't imagine feeling worse than usual for eight or nine months. The minute I see that urine dipstick give positive results, I am on self directed bed rest. People will have to carry me around on a medical cot. I use any excuse to be horizontal as it is, but pregant? I would milk that like you wouldn't believe. I don't know if I would even be a good mother. I saw a 7 year old the other day with his mother who looked like he was on the verge of tears and I almost started tearing up just by witnessing his painful moment. I can't imagine having a kid. I would be like " only Happy feelings!!! Can't deal with vast range of emotions." My kid would be an obese alcoholic by junior high school. I'd be like " You look tired. Let Mommy put some makeup on you sweetheart. You need color in cheeks, sit still, Michael.Put the beer down for one second, Mommy wants to make you look pretty!".

Some people shouldn't have kids. Or get married. Or have corporate jobs. Or credit cards. Or have a consistent running practice.

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