Selling Refuse


I have to get rid of stuff. I have way too much stuff.  I feel like I can’t throw it out because then it’s like saying “ oh man I just realized a bunch of the stuff in my apartment is simply trash. I’ve been living with rubbish and I didn’t realize it until I started to feel cramped. “ What kind of person doesn’t recognize garbage in their living space?

 I was thinking of selling stuff on Ebay but it’s a big to do. You gotta take pictures and make up fun descriptions and then you gotta wait. Wait and see if anybody thinks your shit is worth anything.

I miss yard sales. I feel like they were more honest and personable. You can talk to people and haggle and maybe even get some free stuff. They have stoop sales in New York. Not the same. Trying to sell your stuff on your personal lawn that you share with no other house is different than dragging your shit into  the public entranceway to your building where it effects so many other lives. It’s now an emotional experience for the building as a whole.  Plus I don’t want to know the cute guy upstairs from me is trying to sell  way too many serrated  knives, pictures of his family ,and the skin his rattlesnake recently shed.

 In Boston, there are actual yard sale listings in the newspaper and in the Suburban Shopper. With hours and addresses. I feel like they should say:

“ Hey I can’t decide whether this stuff is trash or not so I’m gonna put it out on my lawn and  let the general public decide. Come by and help me make some decisions”

 “ No that Sox shirt with the pit stains  is  not trash, see it has a price tag on it. That means I decided it has a specific dollar value today Saturday Feb 6th from 10 am to 3 pm. . Then yeah its trash”

They always say “ No early birds”. They don’t want people showing up before the yard sale starts. As if people who arrive early to a yard sale are the type of people that listen when someone says “ no early birds”. They don’t give a shit. They’ll start peeking in  your windows and hollering back to their chain smoking mother sitting in the car, “ no it looks like a bunch  of junk” .  Only to find out they’re at the wrong house and peel off unapologetically.

I was in Boston this weekend and am proud to say I did not hit any yard sales although it’s not really the season for them either. I did go to TJ Maxx and bought some slamming new Coach boots for $99.00 on sale. It was a big decision, spending a hundred bucks on boots that I wanted just because. That’s about ten orders of buffalo chicken fingers. I’ve definitely spent more than a hundred dollars on buffalo chicken fingers this year. If I am willing to spend a hundred bucks on finger food I should be willing to spend it on prestigious foot wear. That’s how I rationalized it anyway.

I’m glad I did. I already got compliments on them.

Some were from guys.

With prompting.  But still.




Kendra is a stand up comic living in Brooklyn where she owns a super comfortable bed. She spends most of her time wondering where the hell her sugar daddy is and hoping he didn’t settle.

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