Self Induced Illness to Avoid Date Plans Tonight
I had dinner plans with a manboy February 1st 2011 he cancelled due to a tummy ache. The rescheduling was to occur the following week. But alas, when the following week arrived, no follow up. Since then he has on numerous occasions talked about making this dinner happen:
“ You still want to go eat?’ Sadly, I always say “yeah sure” and then what happens?
Nothing! Nada! Nieko!
In order to be viewed as a normal self respecting human being I have to stop myself from saying “Seriously? Enough with the fantastical overture. As long as we’re strictly talking in the realm of “ things that will never happen” why stop at a fictional dinner? Why not invite me to take this imaginary relationship to the next level? Maybe a trip to your Mom’s? or a highly sensual , adventure laden vacation? A well planned bank robbery? Shit like that. Mix up the bogus invites. That way I don’t recognize it as chicanery. I can still participate with false hope”
It’s not fair because the next guy who asks me out I’m gonna be like “ You want to take me to dinner? Whatever buddy. I’ve had these “let’s go to dinner” offers before and guess what? Never happened. So do us both a favor, will ya? Take your bullshit elsewhere. OK? Don’t look at me like that. You and your apocryphal offers can take a hike. You think I’m gonna fall for that again? I don’t think so. Nice try though”
Looking back, I see I should have been wary of the “tummy ache” excuse. I think we all know a tummy ache is no excuse to cancel plans that may lead to heavy petting. C’mon! I’m too smart for that.
Unless of course it was a self induced tummy ache. A “oh shit I’m supposed to go out with Kendra tonight. Quick give me stuff to make me sick to my stomach. Hurry!”
At least make it something believable. His girlfriend is making a surprise visit, maybe, but a tummy ache, I think not.
Thanks for listening!
Kendra is a stand up comic living in Brooklyn where she owns a super comfortable bed. She spends most of her time wondering where the hell her sugar daddy is and hoping he didn’t settle.