Comfort is a high priority for me. I am acutely aware of my level of comfort or discomfort at any given moment. Rio has not been a comfortable 21 days so far. It’s scorching hot and they gave us shit beds. “Welcome to Rio. Here’s a plank of wood to sleep on! You know what? Fuck it.Take two. Here’s two planks of wood to sleep on. Nighty night”

Two of the beds broke. When we told the producer he said “ No problem”.

It’s taken me three weeks to figure out “No problem” is the Brazilian equivalent of “ would you please just shut the fuck up already”.

Plastic surgery is cheap in Brazil. Even men get breast implants. There is a section where you can go and see the broke trannies who could only afford bad boob jobs. Homeless people with fake jugs. You gotta really be a tit guy to spend your last couple of bucks on a nice rack.

I can’t imagine adding more stuff to my body. I’m constantly trying to get rid of some of this stuff.

Nothing is communicated effectively to us. Our host pays no attention to detail. Yesterday he asks “ Do you want me take you to Tijuca Forest and we will walk to a water fall?” Sounds delightful.

The question should have been “Do you want to go for a rigorous 75 minute hike in flip flops where the possibility of getting separated from the group is high? After a desperate impromptu version of Marco Polo, you’ll reconnect with the only other humans in the largest urban park in the world and you will be asked to carry your shaky, dehydrated body over a series of slimy rocks into a natural waterfall whose shear force will potentially break your neck. C’mon! It’ll be fun!”

They tell us everything after the fact.

The waterfall has spiritual energy that is supposed to cleanse your soul.

I screamed bloody murder under that thing.  



Kendra is a stand up comic living in Brooklyn where she owns a super comfortable bed. She spends most of her time wondering where the hell her sugar daddy is and hoping he didn’t settle.


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