Weepy Werewolf


I’m not much of a crier. People
learn that about me over time and think I’m tough. Or less feminine. Or
heartless. The point is there are a lot of labels put on girls who don’t cry much,
labels which would make a girl who cries, cry. It’s not that I don’t have depth,
I do. I just have a high tolerance for emotional pain. Physical pain? Forget it.
I’ve been known to display low level histrionics over a stubbed toe.

That shit hurts.


I think I learned not to cry from
the way others reacted to my displays of sadness As a kid, I saw other girls
cry and people would try to comfort them by saying ‘don’t cry” and hugging
them. Other girls crying evoked empathy, sympathy, and understanding. Not me. I
cry and people went into shock and disbelief. Not because they didn’t think I was
capable but because I look like I’m morphing into the Werewolf of London. My
face gets barbarically distorted and turns a deep purple/red. I tend to bare my
teeth.  It scares people.  I am also terrified, adding to the whole “what
the FUCK is going on with Kendra? Is she crying because she’s sad or because her
“when I cry I turn into a feral wolverine” secret has been exposed?” scenario. When
I cry in front of someone I show them my arms to assure them I’m not suddenly
growing animal hair. Mostly I do it to assure myself. I’m just not the type of
girl who enjoys a good cry. Crying scares the shit out of me and everybody
around me. I’ve had boyfriends who would be like “oh you’re crying? I’m sorry
but I can’t watch this and have a sexual relationship with you in the future
sooooo sounds like a perfect time for me to start that running regime I’ve
talked about for 3 years. See ya when the facial swelling subsides”


After moving my sister to Maine, I
cried in the airport in Portland. I tried to hide my hideousness with a baseball
cap but that didn’t dull the audio of my whimpering. One lady offered me a
tissue I took two. She wanted to talk about someone else who had cried at the
airport but when she took a really good look at me she stopped midsentence,
covered her jugular, and waved a cross in my face


Still crying I went into Burger
King and gasped out my order

“Large root beer please”

“Sometimes all you need is a sugary
soda to make you feel better “

He walked away, forcing me to put
my payment on the counter. Later I thought he may have done that deliberately so
as to keep his distance.  Smart. Keep the
wild beast arm’s length away.  Avoid the
Danger Zone


I had to stop myself from going
back and asking “can I buy a hamburger raw?”


Thanks for listening!



Kendra is a stand up comic
living in Brooklyn where she owns a super comfortable bed. She spends most of
her time wondering where the hell her sugar daddy is and hoping he didn’t



twitter @kendracomedy



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